W. C. Fields

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Pet, Clever, Down

I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Die, See, Philadelphia

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Home, Worry, New Year's

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Father, I Am, Prison

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Travel, Food, Water

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Women, Want, Look

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Funny, Food, Wine

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote You, Bull, Brilliance

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Man, Popcorn, Turn

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Snake, See, Like

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Fish, Remember, Live

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Life, Beautiful, Experience

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Love, Beautiful, Me

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Small, Snake, Whiskey

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Snake, See, Always

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Water, Afraid, Never

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Woman, Me, Her

I like children - fried.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Funny, Children, Like

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Vote, Never, Always

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Best, Know, Why

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Life, Funny, My Life

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Equality, Hate, I Am

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Head, Pocket, Both

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Life, Woman, She

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Man, World, Lucky

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Living, Philadelphia, Here

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Smile, Day, Humor

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Food, Water, Live

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Life, Death, Hope

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.W. C. Fields

0 likes view quote Prosperity, Will, Behind
52 W. C. Fields quotes

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